Restoring Relationships: Sympathize

“A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11 NIV).

The third biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to sympathize with the other person’s feelings.

Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement you must first listen to the other’s feelings. Paul advised, "Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own" (Philip. 2:4 TEV). The phrase "look out for" is the Greek word skopos, from which we form our words telescope and microscope. It means pay close attention! Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions.

Don't try to talk people out of how they feel at first. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive. Nod that you understand even when you don't agree. Feelings are not always true or logical. In fact, resentment makes us act and think in foolish ways. David admitted, "When my thoughts were bitter and my feelings were hurt, I was as stupid as an animal" (Psalm 73:21-22 TEV). We all act beastly when hurt.

In contrast, the Bible says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" (Prov. 19:11 NIV). Patience comes from wisdom, and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others.

Listening says, "I value your opinion, I care about our relationship, and you matter to me." The cliché is true: People don't care what we know until they know we care.

To restore fellowship "we must bear the 'burden' of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others ... Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good" (Rom. 15:2 LB). It is a sacrifice to patiently absorb the anger of others, especially if it's unfounded.

But remember, this is what Jesus did for you. He endured unfounded, malicious anger in order to save you. "Christ did not indulge his own feelings ... as scripture says: The insults of those who insult you fall on me" (Rom. 15:3, NJB).

Rick Warren

Restoring Relationships: Take the Initiative

“If you enter your place of worship and are about to make an offering, but you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God" (Matthew 5:23-24 Msg).

The second biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to take the initiative.

It doesn't matter whether you are the offender or the offended, God expects you to make the first move. Don't wait for the other party. Go to them first.

Restoring broken fellowship is so important, Jesus commanded that it even take priority over group worship. He said, "If you enter your place of worship and are about to make an offering, but you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God" (Matt. 5:23-24 Msg).

When fellowship is strained or broken, plan a peace conference immediately. Don't procrastinate, make excuses, or promise, "I'll get around to it someday." Schedule a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse.

In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes hurts to fester.

Acting quickly also reduces the spiritual damage to you. The Bible says sin, including unresolved conflict, blocks our fellowship with God and keeps our prayers from being answered, besides making us miserable. Job's friends reminded him, "To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do," (Job 5:2, TEV) and "You're only hurting yourself with your anger" (Job 18:4, TEV).

The success of a peace conference often depends on choosing the right time and place to meet. Don't meet when of you are tired, rushed or could be interrupted. The best time is when you both are at your best.

Rick Warren

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? . . .You want something but don't get it . . . You do not have, because you do not ask God (James 4:1-2 NIV).

The first biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to talk to God before talking to the person.

Discuss the problem with God. If you’ll pray about the conflict first, instead of gossiping to a friend, you’ll often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help.

All your relationships would go smoother if you would just pray more about them. As David did with his Psalms, use prayer to ventilate vertically. Tell God your frustrations. Cry out to him. He’s never surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity, or any other emotions. So tell him exactly how you feel.

Most conflict is rooted in unmet needs. Some of these needs can only be met by God. When you expect anyone--a friend, spouse, another pastor, or family member--to meet a need that only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one can meet all of your needs except God.

The apostle James noted that many of our conflicts are caused by prayerlessness: "What causes fights and quarrels among you? . . . You want something but don't get it . . . You do not have, because you do not ask God" (James 4:1-2, NIV).

Instead of looking to God, we look to others to make us happy and then get angry when they fail us. God says, "Why don't you come to me first?"

Rick Warren

Relationships are Worth Restoring

"If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you . . . agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends” (Philippians 2:1-2 Msg).

Relationships are always worth restoring.

Life is all about learning how to love, and God wants us to value relationships and make every effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt or a conflict.

In fact, the Bible tells us that God has given us the ministry of restoring relationships. For this reason a significant amount of the New Testament is devoted to teaching us how to get along with one another.

The Apostle Paul taught that our ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity. Since Christ wants his family to be known for our love for each other, broken fellowship is a disgraceful testimony to unbelievers. This is why Paul was so embarrassed that the members of the church in Corinth were splitting into warring factions and even taking each other to court.

He wrote, "Shame on you! Surely there is at least one wise person in your fellowship who can settle a dispute between fellow Christians" (1 Cor. 6:5 TEV). He was shocked that no one in the church was mature enough to resolve the conflict peaceably. In the same letter, he said, "I'll put it as urgently as I can: You must get along with each other" (1 Cor. 1:10 Msg).

If you want God's blessing on your life and you want to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker. Jesus said, "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God" (Matt. 5:9 NLT).

Notice Jesus didn't say, "Blessed are the peace lovers," because everyone loves peace. Neither did he say, "Blessed are the peaceable," who are never disturbed by anything. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who work for peace"--those who actively seek to resolve conflict.

Peacemakers are rare because peacemaking is hard work, but because you were formed to be a part of God's family, peacemaking is one of the most important skills you can develop.

Unfortunately, most of us were never taught how to resolve conflict, so over the next few days, we’ll consider the steps necessary to resolve conflict.

Rick Warren

From Condemnation to Confidence

“Yes, all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious ideal; yet now God declares us ‘not guilty’ of offending him if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness freely takes away our sins” (Romans 3:23-24 TLB).

For the past few days, we’ve been studying the biblical path from condemnation to godly confidence, and I consider this so important to our ability to make healing choices, that I want to lead you in a prayer today.

You've been under self condemnation, maybe because of some unresolved guilt, maybe because of some unrealistic expectations, maybe both. The Bible says, “All of us have sinned and we all fall short of God's ideal; yet, now God declares us not guilty if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness, freely takes away our sins.”

Would you like to have that burden removed? Would you pray, “Jesus Christ, I want to ask you to forgive me for all the things I've ever done wrong." If something specific comes to mind right now, just agree, saying, “Yes, and that . . . and that . . . ” As those pictures go across your mind, say, “Lord, I ask forgiveness for that and I accept your forgiveness because of Jesus Christ.”

Pray, “Jesus, help me to forgive myself and to look straight ahead with honest confidence and not to hang my head in shame. When my past failures come to mind, instead of me coming back and begging you to forgive me again, help me to remember that I’ve already been forgiven. I just need to forgive myself. Every time that memory comes back, instead of me being guilty, Lord, I will be grateful. Let that memory remind me, instead, that you are a God of forgiveness and grace, and that I am forgiven. When that memory comes to my mind, let it cause me to praise you and say, ‘What a great God you are! You've forgiven me. I'm a trophy of your grace.’”

Then would you pray, “Lord, help me to relax in your grace, to realize that you don't expect perfection. You know what I'm made up, that there is no condemnation in Christ, that you'll never love me any more and never love me any less because of what I do.”

“Father, I want to walk in your grace. I want to take off the yoke of guilt and put on the yoke of grace today. Lord, help me to eliminate the negative self-talk in my life. I know now that when I put myself down, I am really questioning You—because you made me the way that I am, the way I look, with the talents and abilities I have and the ones that I don't have. You made me just to be me.”

“Help me to focus my mind on the positive things and to read my Bible every day and memorize it and meditate on it. And as I read it, remind me again and again how much you love me. God, help me to quit trying to please everybody. I know it's an impossible task and it only causes anxiety in my life. Instead, let me focus only on doing your will and knowing if it's your plan and purpose for my life. Help me to obey what you've told me to do; it doesn't matter what others think. I relax in your grace.”

“Thank You, Father, that through your grace we can get off the rat race of unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations—those things that push us to do more. Instead, may we relax and do the things that really count. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.”

Rick Warren

Focus Only on Doing God's Will

“Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light” (Matthew 11:27-30 TEV)

Expectations are a yoke. Some of you are carrying a yoke—a heavy burden—of the expectations that were put on you by your parents, or your husband, or your wife, or your children. Some of you are burdened down with a yoke put on you by your boss or by your teacher.

But most of us carry a yoke of burden that we've put on ourselves because of unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations. We're trying to prove that we matter.

We take on a heavy yoke that God never intended in order to prove that we’re important when God says we’re already important: He created us to be with him and to fulfill a unique mission in life. That makes us important, not all the things we do (or don’t do).

God’s yoke is that we follow his purpose for our lives, and when we do that, things work out a whole lot better. When we go our own way in life, we hit one brick wall after another. In a sense, God says, “Put on my purpose, my plan for your life.”

How heavy is God's yoke? Jesus says, “The yoke I will give you is light and easy.” You say, “But my Christian life isn't easy. My Christian life is heavy; it’s like a duty that I have to fulfill.”

Then it may be you are out of God's will. You may be doing something that God never intended for you to do. I can’t say it any plainer than this: It may be some of the things you think God is asking you to do, He's not asking you to do. Your conscious and your perfectionism are asking you to do them.

Jesus did not come to give you a burden but a blessing.

Am I saying the Christian life has no problems? No, not at all! We all will have a lot of problems. The Christian life is full of difficulties. The point is this: to live in the center of God's will is a lighter load than to live out of God's will. To live in God's purpose and plan for your life is a lighter, more relaxing, more enjoyable load than for you to live your own life any old way you choose.

If you say, “My Christian life is a burden right now,” then there are some things in your life that you're doing that God never intended for you to do. One of the things you need to do is get quiet before God and ask, “What do I need to cut out of my life?” I need to focus on the things that really count—my relationship to God, my relationship to my family, my relationship to other Christians, my relationship to the world. That's what counts.

Jesus says, “Come to me all of you who are tired from carrying your heavy loads and I will give you rest.” The answer to your stress is not a bunch of principles. The answer to your stress is a relationship to a person: Jesus Christ. “Come to Me. I will give you deep, abiding, gut level rest.” It's a personal invitation.

Are you living under condemnation? If you are, Jesus says, “Come to me . . . and I will give you rest.” In a sense, this is what Jesus is saying: “Why don't we do this . . . why don't we take that heavy yoke of guilt that you're carrying, take it off and put it down over here. Instead, let me put on you my light yoke of grace. Get rid of the guilt and let's replace it with grace. You see how much better this fits; how much more comfortable it is?"

Take off this yoke of perfectionism, where you're always trying to prove yourself and toss it over to be burned. Put on the yoke of God’s plan for your life; his purpose.

When you do that, your confidence will soar.

Rick Warren

Quit Trying to Please everbody

“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you” (Proverbs 29:25 GN)

When we worry about what other people think, we let them control us. We waste a lot of time and energy trying to figure out what other people want us to be. Then, we waste a lot of time and energy trying to become like that rather than just being what God made us to be. You're manipulated and controlled by somebody else.

Worrying about what other people think is dangerous because we’re more likely to cave in to criticism. It means we don't always do the right thing; instead, we do the thing that everybody wants us to do.

And we’re in danger of missing God's best because we're so worried about what other people what us to do that we can't stop to think about what God wants us to do.

• Fact #1: You cannot please everybody. Even God can't please everybody. One person prays for it to rain; another prays for it to be sunny. In the Super Bowl, both teams are praying that they will win. Who is God going to answer? God can't please everybody. Only a fool would try to do what even God can't do. You can't please everybody.

• Fact #2: It's not necessary to please everybody. There is a myth that says you must be loved and approved by everybody in order to be happy. That's just not true. You don't have to please everybody in order to be happy in life.

• Fact #3: Rejection will not ruin your life. It hurts, sure. It's not fun. It's uncomfortable. But rejection will not ruin your life unless you let it.

Quit trying to please everybody! Remember that nobody can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission.

The Apostle Paul says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31 TEV) This means we can think like this: ‘God likes me, and I like me; if you don't like me, then you've got a problem. If God likes me, who cares that everybody doesn't approve of everything I do.’

Remember, nothing you ever do will make God love you less. Nothing you ever do will make God love you more. He loves you completely right now.

Rick Warren

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk

“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts” (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

Long before psychology came around, God said your thoughts determine your feelings and your feelings determine your actions. If you want to change your life, you've got to control the way you think.

Our minds are really an amazing creation. It would take a computer the size of a small city just to carry out the basic functions of your brain. Your brain contains over one hundred billion nerve cells. Each individual cell is connected with ten thousand other neurons.

In addition, you’re constantly talking to yourself—all the time. Your mind is talking to you! You're talking to yourself right now. Research indicates that most people speak at a rate of 150 to 200 words per minute, but the mind can listen to about 500-600 words a minute. That's why you can listen to me and plan today's dinner at the same time.

In fact, our internal dialogue—the conversation we have with ourselves—is at a rate of 1,300 words per minute. How? Because our mind sees in pictures, and you can see a thought in a nano-second!

The problem is a lot of us are like Job, who says, “Everything I say seems to condemn me” (Job 9:20 GN). He's saying, in effect, “Everything I say puts me down.” If you are typical to the human race, you are your own worst critic.

We’re always putting ourselves down. We walk into a room smiling, but inside we're thinking, “I’m fat. I’m dumb. I’m ugly. And I'm always late!”

God wants us to stop putting ourselves down. When you put yourself down, who are you really putting down? When you say, “I’m fat. I’m dumb. I'm ugly. I'm no good. I have no talent,” you’re really pointing to the Creator who made you. When you say, “God, I'm worthless. I'm no good. I can't do anything,” you're saying, “God, you blew it with me.” That's why God says it's wrong to put yourself down.

How do you eliminate negative self-talk so you can become a more confident person?

The Bible teaches the principle of replacement: “Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right . . . Think about all you can thank God for and be glad about" (Philippians 4:8 TLB).

In other words, don’t think about all those weaknesses in your life. Focus on who God wants you want to be and on what God wants to do in your life. I don't know any better antidote to low self-esteem (or to facing your hurts, habits, and hang-ups) than to read God's word every day: study it, memorize it, meditate on it, and apply it in your life.

There isn’t a better thing you can do to raise your confidence level than to start believing what God says about you. As I read through the Bible, chapter by chapter, I find a verse that speaks to me. I write it down on a card, memorize it, and then I start affirming it back to God. “Father, thank you that I am valuable; I am significant; I am forgivable; I am capable." Let God renew your mind because “your life is shaped by your thoughts” (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

Rick Warren

Live Relaxed in God's Grace

“As a father is kind to his children, so the Lord is kind to those who honor him. He knows what we are made of; He remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13-14 GN).

God understands you completely. He's fully aware of your humanity. He knows what makes you tick. He knows your faults, your fears, your failures, and your frustrations. He doesn't expect you to be Superman or Superwoman.

If you’re a parent, do you love your children at every stage of their development or are you waiting until they're mature to love them?

The point is, God loves you at every stage of your development so you don't have to have unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations. Listen:

• There is nothing you will ever do that will make God love you more than He does right now.
• There is nothing that you will ever do that will make God love you less than He does right now.

God’s love is unconditional. It's not based on what you do or don't do.

I like to think of it like this—I have three kids. All of them had to learn to walk and all three of them went through the same process: They'd take a step; they'd stumble. They’d get up, take two steps; they’d stumble. They’d get up and fall back down without taking a step. They’d get up; they’d fall backwards. They’d get up and take a couple steps and fall again.

As their father, what was my reaction? Did I scold them? ‘What are you doing stumbling? You're a Warren. Warrens don't stumble! We have dignity. We don't stumble. Get up. You can do better than that.’ Of course not! How silly! But a lot of us think that's how God treats us. We think that every time we stumble, God says, “Get up! What are you doing, you dummy?”

The Bible teaches us that, “There is no condemnation now for those who live in union with Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1 TEV). What does that mean? Let's say I take a card and write every single thing I've ever done wrong on it (and, you know, it wouldn't all fit on a single card). I write down all my sins, all my faults, all my mistakes, all the skeletons in my closet, all the shameful acts and thoughts and memories and temptations. And then I put the card in a book and close it. You can’t see the card anymore. You can only see the book. That’s the way God sees us when Jesus is in our lives. He no longer sees our sin; he sees Jesus at work in our lives.

When I come to Christ and say, “God, here’s my life. Everything I’ve ever done wrong, every time I've ever made a mistake. All those stupid things I've done. I want to put my life in Jesus Christ.” Jesus wraps me with His love, and God looks at Jesus and sees that Jesus is perfect. He doesn't see my sin. That's what it means to relax in God's grace.

Rick Warren

Confident in God’s Forgiveness

“Look straight ahead with honest confidence; don't hang your head in shame” (Proverbs 4:25 TEV).

You don't need to walk around carrying a load of guilt. The Apostle Paul says, “Yes, all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious ideal; yet now God declares us ‘not guilty’ of offending him if we trust in Jesus Christ, who in his kindness freely takes away our sins” (Romans 3:23-24 TLB).

God wants to forgive you. Imagine a giant blackboard with all of your sins written across it and God comes along with a giant eraser and erases it all. It's like an etch-a-sketch. You turn it upside down and shake it, turn it back up and the slate is clean. That's good news, isn't it?

But we need to accept God's forgiveness. We may know about God's forgiveness intellectually, but to believe it, deep down inside, accepting, in faith, that it is true. Because it is!

And one thing that often blocks us from accepting forgiveness from God is that we are unable to forgive ourselves. You need to forgive yourself for your past failures and sins, for the habits and hang-ups that led you to sin. Forgive yourself!

God wants you to forgive yourself. He teaches us to “Look straight ahead with honest confidence; don't hang your head in shame” (Proverbs 4:25 TEV).

Have you ever committed a sin and asked God to forgive you, and even though you know He's forgiven you, you still feel lousy? What do you do in that situation? Do you go back and ask Him to forgive you again? Confess it again, over and over?

No. You only have to confess a sin one time and it's forgiven. But you may have to forgive yourself a hundred times and say it over and over until it sinks in: "God's forgiven me. It's over.”

Our problem is, we want to keep reminding God of things He's already forgotten. It's forgiven and forgotten. You've already dealt with it. Someone once asked Eleanor Roosevelt, "How did you accomplish so much with your life?" She said, "I never waste time with regrets."

Don’t waste time with your regrets: accept God's forgiveness and forgive yourself.

Rick Warren

Replace Condemnation with Confidence

“Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God” (1 John 3:21 NIV).

You’ve probably noticed that your confidence ebbs and flows. It varies greatly from day to day: one day you're up and one day you're down. What causes that?

In part, it’s about what is going on inside of you. The Bible teaches, “If our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God” (1 John 3:21 NIV). When we face life’s hurts, habits, and hang-ups, it’s important that we walk out of self-condemnation and into the faithful confidence that God forgives us.

What causes self-condemnation?

Unresolved guilt: King David wrote, “There was a time when I wouldn’t admit what a sinner I was. But my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration” (Psalms 32:3 TLB).

This reminds me of a sign I saw the other day: A clean engine produces more power. That's true in humans, too. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the man who wrote Sherlock Holmes, once pulled a prank on twelve prominent Englishmen. He sent them an anonymous note that said, "All is found out. Flee at once." Within twenty-four hours, eight of those men had left the country! Guilt destroys your confidence.

Unrealistic expectations: Also known as perfectionism—the feeling that I must be flawless, that I must be perfect, that I must please everybody, that I always have to do more, that I’m not allowed to relax.

If you're a perfectionist, your favorite phrase is, “I should . . . I must . . . I ought . . . I have to.” You’re always doing more.

If you're an average person, you have three things on your daily ‘To Do’ list. You get one of them done, you leave one of them unfinished, and the third one you just forget about. You go home and put your feet up at night and feel good about yourself.

If you're a perfectionist, you have 29 things on your daily ‘To Do’ list. You finish 28 of them and you go home and feel like a failure! The Bible says, “Even perfection has its limits, but [God’s] commands have no limit” (Psalms 119:96 NLT).

Both guilt and perfectionism cause a lack of confidence in our lives. Tomorrow we’ll look at how we can replace condemnation with confidence.

Rick Warren

You Can Be Confident About the Future

“And I will live in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalms 23:1-6 NLT).

How long is forever going to last? Forever! Some day your body is going to die, but you aren't! Your body is going to end, but that's not going to be the end of you. You're going to live forever in one of two places - heaven or hell. They’re both real places. You will spend eternity in heaven or hell. Your body is going to die, but you're not going to die. We were made to last forever.

Why should Christians be the most confident people about the future?

“Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. . . . We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:6,8 NIV).

Death, for Christians, is a transfer, a promotion. It's on to better things; no more problems. You're not ready to live until you're ready to die. You don't know how to live until you're ready to die. Only a fool would go all through life, totally unprepared for something that everybody knows is inevitable.

You're going to die—someday. If you’ve accepted Christ, then you’re going to go to heaven. You’ll be released from pain, from sorrow, from suffering, from depression, from fear: “He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone” (Revelation 21:4, MSG).

Rick Warren

God Has Prepared a Place for You in Heaven

“And I will live in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalms 23:6 NLT).

When Kind David says, “And I will live in the house of the Lord forever,” he’s saying that God has prepared a place for him in Heaven.

That's one of the most important connections we see in the Bible. It connects yesterday with today and then connects them both with tomorrow.

God says, “I’ve got this great life planned for you, and surely goodness and mercy will follow you through it, but that's not the end! I've got something else at the end!” God builds it to a crescendo.

So David ends his Psalm by saying, “We're going to heaven!” Jesus saves the best until last. With God it just keeps getting better and better. The best is yet to come—“Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands” (2 Corinthians 5:1 NIV).

Rick Warren

God’s Unfailing Love Follows Us

“Surely your . . . unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life” (Psalms 23:6 NLT).

Like goodness, God’s unfailing love follows us in life.

Kind David says it pursues us! Picture a parent following a little child around picking up after them. When we’re struggling with hurts, habits, and hang-ups, God is coming right along side us, helping to pick up our messes and telling us that his unfailing love is always there.

This means, rather than entering into the future with a question mark, you can do it with an exclamation point! God will be with you no matter what happens. He will help you out: “Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalms 23:6 NLT).

• God's goodness will provide and protect.

• God's mercy (unfailing love) will pardon and forgive.

• God's goodness will supply.

• God's mercy will sooth.

• God's goodness will help.

• God's mercy and will heal.

Goodness is the fact that God gives us good things in life that we don't deserve. Mercy means God holds back the condemnation we deserve.

Rick Warren

God’s Goodness Will Pursue You

“Surely your goodness . . . will pursue me all the days of my life” (Psalm 23:6 NLT).

Even in the middle of your hurts, habits, and hang-up, God is watching over you.

“Surely your goodness . . . will pursue me”: King David is not saying, ‘Surely only good things are going to happen to me!’ He knew as well as anyone that bad things happen to good people.

David’s point is only that God’s goodness will follow after or pursue him. No matter how bad, evil, or difficult something seems, God will work it out for good.

It’s one of God’s great promises that he’s given to believers: We know all that happens to us is working for our good—if we love God and are fitting into his plans (Romans 8:28). If you're a believer, the Bible says all things are working together for good—not that all things are good—but working together for good.

There is no difficulty, dilemma, defeat, or disaster in the life of a believer that God can’t ultimately turn toward his purpose.

Rick Warren

God Is Walking with You

“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me” (Psalms 23:4 NLT).

What are the things you’re worried about? The economy? Your health? Your bills? Your kids? Are you worried about the future? The fact is there are lots of reasons to be afraid in today’s world, but God’s promise is that, even in your darkest valleys, he is walking beside you.

It’s interesting to note that there are 365 verses in the Bible that say, “Fear not.” God provided us with one ‘fear not’ message for every day of the year! Don’t you think God is saying, “Get the message. Don't be afraid.” It's interesting that almost every time God talks to someone in the Bible, the first thing He says is, "Don't be afraid!"

Why? Because our hurts and hang-ups can often cause us to think that God is out to get us, that all he wants to do is condemn us and punish us. But that simply isn’t true and Jesus is the proof of that.

When we understand God's grace and mercy, then we have no need to fear the future. God isn't trying to get even with you. Jesus has taken the penalty for everything you've ever done wrong or will do wrong. He paid for it on the cross. So when a bad thing happens, you don't have to think, “God's getting even with me.” Instead, remember, “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me” (Psalms 23:4 NLT).

Rick Warren

Repentance: Allowing God to Change Your Mind

Imagine riding in a speedboat on a lake with an automatic pilot set to go east. If you decide to reverse and head west, you have two possible ways to change the boat’s direction.

One way is to grab the steering wheel and physically force it to head in the opposite direction from where the autopilot is programmed to go. By sheer willpower you could overcome the autopilot, but you would feel constant resistance. Your arms would eventually tire of the stress, you’d let go of the steering wheel, and the boat would instantly head back east, the way it was internally programmed.

This is what happens when you try to change you life with willpower: You say, “I’ll force myself to eat less . . . exercise more . . . quit being disorganized and late.”

Yes, willpower can produce short-term change, but it creates constant internal stress because you haven’t dealt with the root cause. The change doesn’t feel natural, so eventually you give up and quickly revert to your old patterns.

There is a better and easier way: Change your autopilot—the way you think. The Bible says, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Romans 12:2 NLT).

The New Testament calls this mental shift repentance, which in Greek literally means “to change your mind.” You repent whenever you change the way you think by adopting how God thinks—about yourself, sin, God, other people, life, your future, and everything else. You take on Christ’s outlook and perspective.

Rick Warren

Bringing Pleasure to God

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23 NIV).

When I first fell in love with my wife, I thought of her constantly: while eating breakfast, driving to school, attending class, waiting in line at the market, pumping gas—I could not stop thinking about this woman! I often talked to myself about her and thought about all the things I loved about her. I felt close to Kay even though we lived several hundred miles apart and attended different colleges!

Just like my love for Kay transformed everything I did, love for God can transform every activity of our daily lives.

Martin Luther once said, “A dairymaid can milk cows to the glory of God.” Does that strike you as a strange thing to say? How can an “un-sacred” chore like milking a cow be an act of worshiping God?

Worship is far more than church services with singing, praying, and listening to a sermon. Worship is anything you do that brings pleasure to God. The Bible says, “The Lord is pleased with those who worship him and trust his love.” (Psalm 147:11 CEV)

In the Bible, people praised God at work, at home, in battle, in jail, and even in bed! Anything you do can be an act of worship when you do it for the praise, glory, and pleasure of God.

How is that possible? By doing everything as if you were doing it for Jesus and by carrying on a continual conversation with him while you do it! The Bible says, The Bible says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV). And then: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23 NIV).

The Message paraphrases it: “Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering” (Romans 12:1).

Worship is not a part of your life, it is your life.

Rick Warren

Anger: Relate to people who are patient

“Don't hang out with angry people; don't keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious—don't get infected” (Proverbs 22:24-25 MSG).

Is anger contagious? Yes. Can you be infected by somebody else's anger? Certainly. Ever been in a situation where they get loud and you do too? What's happening? There's a transfer of energy. It's contagious.

If you are serious about changing an imbedded, habitual lifestyle of inappropriate anger management, then you need to start hanging out with other people who know how to manage their anger. That's one of the benefits of a church. That's why I believe in joining a church family and getting involved in a small group. You pick up positive values.

The methods we use to express our anger are learned. Since they’re learned, they can be unlearned. Parents, every time I blow up and lose my cool, I'm modeling inappropriate anger to my kids. They're learning and you're teaching.

James Dobson says, “Successful marriages are not those marriages where anger or conflicts do not exist. But rather, successful marriages are where they've learned to manage their anger. When anger is managed, it produces great marriages." I'd like to add this: When anger is managed, it also produces great friendships and churches and businesses. It produces great leaders because it channels the emotional energy of anger into a focus that will potentially produce tremendous good.

Let’s pray:

“Dear God, I resolve to manage my anger. Today, with your help, I'm going to take control of my temper. I've fallen in the past, but today I make a new commitment, a new start. Help me to realize the cost of my anger: that it causes arguments and mistakes, that it causes me to do foolish things and get into all kinds of trouble. When I lose my temper, I always lose.

“Father, help me to reflect before reacting, to have wisdom and ask myself, `Why am I angry? What do I really want? How can I get it?' Help me to see the causes beneath my anger. Help me to release my anger appropriately, no longer expressing it through violence, shouting, pouting or just being quiet and holding it in as a grudge. Help me to admit it, confess it to you, myself, and others.

“Help me to re-pattern my mind, to spend daily time with you in your word, have a daily quiet time where my mind can be slowly transformed to think the thoughts that are correct and bring the behavior that I want. Help me to relate to people who have learned or are learning to manage their anger. I pray this is Jesus’ name, knowing you are listening and answering. Amen.”

Rick Warren

Anger: Re-pattern Your Mind

“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind” (Romans 12:2 TEV).

The way we act is determined by the way we feel. The way we feel is determined by the way we think. If we want to change the way we act, we've got to change the way we think. If we want to change a habitual pattern of improper anger management—pouting, blowing up, criticizing, etc.—then we need to have some mental reconditioning.

Gary Smalley suggests you begin asking yourself questions like, “Do I enjoy getting angry?” “Does it produce the intended results when I get angry?” “Could I get the same results in a more effective way?” “How would I be different?”

Smalley suggests you write it down and read it aloud to yourself once a week for six months, that’s 26 times. Take the time to read it in the presence of another person. That may seem like a lot of work, but how serious are you about changing this habit in your life? How serious are you about getting control of your anger?

I’d suggest using Bible verses in your letter, so that as God’s Word fills your thoughts, you're transformed by the renewing of your mind. It's going to change you.

The truth is, angry people are insecure people. The more insecure I am, the more things tick me off. The more insecure I am, the more upset I get and the more irritable I am.

But here’s the thing: when you understand how much God loves you and you understand your security in Christ, when you understand how much you matter to God, then you are less likely to be irritable.

Homework: Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8. They are anti-anger biblical passages because they teach us how deeply God loves us, and that we are secure in him.

Rick Warren

Release Your Anger Appropriately

If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin” (Ephesians 4:26 TEV).

There are helpful ways and harmful ways to release your anger. For instance, sometimes we'd rather remain angry than admit to our anger. Yet, the Bible says that to be angry and not admit that you are angry is lying. And that's a sin.

Keep in mind: anger is not necessarily wrong. It only becomes wrong if we release it in a way that is inappropriate or destructive. My experience as a pastor is that most of us learned to express our anger when we were two or three years old, and we’re still expressing our anger in the same way as adults. Needless to say, this simply doesn't work.

Most people express their anger in such a way that they end up farther away from their goal than they were before they became angry. Anger, expressed inappropriately, has the opposite effect of producing the intended results. Blowing up at people never produces lasting change; it only produces more anger and alienation. We know that but we still do it. It doesn't produce lasting change.

Something to keep in mind is that anger is never really the root problem. It is usually a symptom that reveals one of three things is happening: hurt, fear, frustration. These are the three things that make us angry, and this is why we should always stop and cool down. It allows us to think:

• Am I hurt?
• Am I afraid? Perhaps feeling threatened, or that I'm going to lose something of value?
• Or, am I frustrated?

Understanding the source of your anger will help you respond in an appropriate manner, so that your anger does not “lead you into sin” (Ephesians 4:26 TEV).

Rick Warren

Anger: Reflect Before You Respond

“A rebel shouts in anger; a wise man holds his temper in and cools it” (Proverbs 29:11 TLB).

When you’re angry, don’t respond impulsively. Delay is a great tool in controlling anger. I'm not saying delay indefinitely, or even beyond a day; the Bible says don't go to sleep when you're angry. I'm talking about delaying it for five minutes.

When you start to get ticked off, you take ‘time out’ for a few minutes. Give yourself some time to stop, reflect and think it through. If you don't stop and think, you are likely to do the wrong thing. You need to reflect before you respond.

When we get angry, we need to get in the habit of stepping back, waiting a few minutes, and, then, look at the situation from God's point of view. Notice the Bible says a wise man lets his anger cool down (Proverbs 29:11). So ‘cool it’ is a Biblical term! A modern translation might be: “The wise man waits and chills out.” Thomas Jefferson, the author of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, said, “When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.”

While you’re cooling down, ask yourself three questions to help you understand why you are angry:

• Why am I angry?
• What do I really want?
• How can I get it?

Understanding the reason for your anger will give you greater patience and, perhaps, even the ability to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11).

Rick Warren

Realize the Cost of Your Anger

“People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm” (Proverbs 14:17 TEV).

The Bible says there is always a price tag to uncontrolled anger. Can you relate to any of these verses?

• “Hot tempers cause arguments, but patience brings peace” (Proverbs 15:18 TEV).
• “People with quick tempers cause a lot of quarreling and trouble” (Proverbs 29:22 TEV).
• “People with a hot temper do foolish things; wiser people remain calm” (Proverbs 14:17 TEV).

The Bible says, “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left. He shall be the servant of a wiser man.” (Proverbs 11:29 TLB)

Whenever I lose my temper, I lose. You don't make it to the top if you're continually blowing your top. The word ‘danger’ is the word ‘anger’ with the letter‘d’ in front. And anger is dangerous. You could lose everything: your reputation, your spouse, your job, your health.

A few years ago, I read about medical research on the human heart that revealed, if you reduce the hostility in your life, you can prolong your life. Mom and Dad, listen: we may get a short-term pay-off by motivating our kids through anger—they will comply out of fear—but in the long run, we’ll lose because anger always alienates. It turns people off rather than turning them on. And, instead of getting what you want, it causes people to become apathetic to your needs and angry at you.

One way to manage your anger is to come to grips with how much it is costing you.

Rick Warren

Resolve to Manage Your Anger

“Love . . . is not easily angered” (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV).

The Bible says, “Love is not easily angered.” It doesn't say love never gets angry at all. In fact, sometimes the loving thing to do is to get angry. Jesus became angry in the Temple when he saw his Father’s house being run like a marketplace.

At the same time, we can love someone and still get angry at that person. Sometimes the anger may be ‘righteous’ and sometimes it may be ‘selfish,’ but the people we love the most are the ones most likely to make us angry.

My point is this: God placed the capacity to get angry into your biological makeup. Being angry is not a sin; it can become a sin if we allow it to push us into destructive behavior, but the emotion itself is not a sin. The Bible says even God gets angry.

You can't avoid anger, but you can learn how to control it. You can resolve to manage it, so it becomes an asset, rather than a liability. This means you quit making excuses and justifying your anger: “That's just me. I just blow up. I can't control it.”

Anger can be controlled. Have you ever been in a fight with someone and things are getting pretty loud, but then the telephone rings? Notice how quickly you can manage your anger! You've got a lot more control over your anger than you think you do. Resolve to manage it, then confess, “I can control my anger with God's help."

Rick Warren

Jesus Cleanses and Calls

“ ‘Woe to me!’ I cried. ‘I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips . . . and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.’ Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal . . . which he had taken with tongs from the altar. With it he touched my mouth and said, ‘See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for.’ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’” (Isaiah 6:5–8 NIV)

One of the most effective tools the enemy will use to keep you from serving God is convincing you that you’ve either messed up too much to serve God or that you must clean up your life before you can get God’s attention. When these thoughts pop into your head, sniff the air for the scent of sulfur, because they are lies straight from the fires of hell!

God’s intention when he convicts us of our sins is not to condemn us; rather his breath of life disperses that satanic smoke the father of lies uses to keep us on the run from God.

If you follow the sequence of Isaiah 6, you’ll see how God initiates the process that brings you into his holy presence and purifies you to remain in his presence, and that your new guilt-free, sin-atoned status will compel you and prepare you for the unique mission God sets before you.

Yet God’s intention when he convicts us of our sins is not to condemn us; rather his breath of life disperses the “fog of war”—that satanic smoke the father of lies uses to keep us on the run from God.

Isaiah reports that God’s fire is a cleansing fire that burns your guilt away and purifies you from sin, sealing within you the work of Jesus Christ. The prophet also suggests God’s ultimate purpose for cleansing us is to prepare us for mission: “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’” (Isaiah 6:8 NIV).

Prior to God taking the initiative to cleanse Isaiah, the prophet felt overwhelmed and unprepared for any mission on God’s behalf.

After the cleansing, Isaiah is energized with a desire to serve God.

Rick Warren

Start with the Faith You Have

“[The boy’s father said,] ‘If you can do anything, do it. Have a heart and help us!’ Jesus said, ‘If? There are no ‘ifs’ among believers. Anything can happen.’ No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, ‘Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!’” (Mark 9:22–24 MSG).

Is it possible to be filled with faith and doubt at the same time? Yes!

You can have faith that God wants you to do something and still be scared to death. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is going ahead and doing what you’re called to do in spite of your fear.

You have to begin with the faith you already have; it may be just a little, but you start there. A beautiful example of this is the story of the man who brought his sick son to Jesus in Mark 9. Jesus looked at the man and said, “I can heal your son. If you will believe, I will heal him.”

The father then makes a classic statement: “Lord, I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief.”

Have you ever felt like that? “Lord, I have some faith. But I also have some doubts.” This man was filled with faith and doubt, yet despite his honest doubts, he went ahead and asked Jesus for a miracle. And he got his miracle—Jesus healed his son.

Mustard seed faith moves mountains. No matter how weak or how frail you think your faith is, it’s enough to get you through what you’re facing because your “little faith” is in a BIG GOD.

Matthew 17:20 says, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed . . . Nothing will be impossible for you.” That’s not a lot of faith; in fact, it’s just a little faith. But what else does that verse teach? “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move,’ and it will move” (NIV).

Mustard seed faith moves mountains. Don’t get this reversed; we tend to read this verse backward; we want it to say, “If you have faith like a mountain, you can move a mustard seed”—as if it takes enormous faith to do a very little task.

Everybody has faith. You had faith this morning when you ate your cereal—faith that your spouse didn’t put poison in your granola!

You had faith when you sat down in your computer chair—faith that it wouldn’t collapse.

Everybody has faith; the difference is what you put your faith in.

Sometimes people will tell me they don’t want to surrender to Jesus until all their questions are answered; they don’t want to make a commitment until everything is understood.

God wants you start with the faith you have, and based on the example of the mustard seed, you don’t need a whole lot of faith to do great things for God. You just need a little.

So here’s a trustworthy equation: Little Faith + Big God = Huge Results!

• You take your little faith; “Lord, I believe! Help me with my unbelief!”

• And you place your faith in our big God.

And then he’ll show you how he works out huge results.

Rick Warren

Having Patience in the Midst of Discouragement

“You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay’” (Hebrews 10:36–37 NIV).

If you’re discouraged because of God’s delay in answering your prayers, understand the delay is not a denial. Just because the answer or the miracle hasn’t come—yet—that doesn’t mean God isn’t going to answer, or that he’s forgotten you, or that he doesn’t care about you. It simply means “not yet!”

Spiritual maturity is knowing the difference between “No” and “Not yet,” between a denial and a delay. The Bible tells us, “He who is coming will come and will not delay” (Hebrews 10:37 NIV).

The delay may be a test of your patience. Anybody can be patient once. And, anybody can be patient twice. And, just about anybody can be patient three times. So God tests you patience over and over and over.

Why? To see how patient you are?

No, he does it to show you how patient you are. So you’ll know what’s inside of you, and you’ll be able to know your level of commitment. God tests you so that you can know he is faithful, even if the answers you seek are delayed.

If you’re discouraged, turn it around by remembering God teaches you patience during delay. Ask him to transform your discouragement into patience.

You may be going through difficult times right now and feel like dropping off the planet. You’re discouraged because the situation you face seems unmanageable, unreasonable, or unfair.

It may seem unbearable and inside you’re basically saying, “God, I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t take it anymore!”

But you can.

You can stay with it longer because God is with you. He’ll enable you to press on. Remember, you are never a failure until you quit.

Don’t quit. Resist discouragement and finish the race God has set before you.

Rick Warren

Resisting Discouragement

“So don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time” (Galatians 6:9 NLT).

There are many things that work to keep us from completing our life-missions. Over the years, I’ve debated whether the worst enemy is procrastination or discouragement. If Satan can’t get us to put off our life missions, then he’ll try to get us to quit altogether.

The apostle Paul teaches that we need to resist discouragement: “So don’t get tired of doing what is good. Don’t get discouraged and give up” (Galatians 6:9 NLT).

Do you ever get tired of doing what’s right? I think we all do. Sometimes it seems easier to do the wrong thing than the right thing.

When we’re discouraged, we become ineffective. When we’re discouraged, we work against our own faith.

When I’m discouraged, I’m saying, “It can’t be done.” That’s the exact opposite of saying, “I know God can do it because he said . . . .”

Ask yourself these questions:

• How do I handle failure?
• When things don’t go my way, do I get grumpy?
• When things don’t go my way, do I get frustrated?
• When things don’t go my way, do I start complaining?
• Do I finish what I start?
• How would I rate on persistence?

If you’re discouraged, don’t give up without a fight. Nothing worthwhile ever happens without endurance and energy.

When an artist starts to create a sculpture, he has to keep chipping away. He doesn’t hit the chisel with the hammer once, and suddenly all the excess stone falls away revealing a beautiful masterpiece. He keeps hitting it and hitting it, chipping away at the stone.

And that’s true of life, too. Nothing really worthwhile ever comes easy in life. You keep hitting it and going after it, and little-by-little your life becomes a masterpiece of God’s grace.

The fact is, great people are really just ordinary people with an extraordinary amount of determination. Great people don’t know how to quit.

Rick Warren

Why Worry?

"And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?” (Matthew 6:30 NLT).

Do you tend to expect the worst? Do you panic when you get a letter with IRS stamped on the envelope or when you hear a rumor about layoffs at work?

The word worry comes from an old English word meaning “to choke or strangle.” Of course, that’s exactly what worry does to your productivity and happiness. It’s a self-defeating waste of time.

In his famous Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6:25–34), Jesus gave four reasons for not worrying and the secrets of overcoming it:

1. Worry is unreasonable. To worry about something you can’t change is useless. To worry about something you can change is foolish! And every time you review a worry in your mind, it just gets bigger. Worry amplifies problems out of proportion.

2. Worry is unnatural. You weren’t born a worrier. It is a learned response to life. In fact, you have to practice to get good at it. Fortunately worry can be unlearned. The only species in God’s creation that worries is human beings. We don’t think God will take care of us.

3. Worry is unhelpful. It doesn’t work. It can’t change the past. It can’t control the future. It only makes you miserable today. Worrying about a problem never solves the problem.

4. Worry is unnecessary. God has promised to take care of you if you’ll trust him with the details of your life. As a child, if you asked your father for lunch money you never worried about where it would come from. That was his problem. Let God be God in your life! “God will take care of you, just have faith.”

How can I break the worry habit?

First, trust God with every area of your life: “But your heavenly Father already knows perfectly well that you need them, and he will give them to you if you give him first place in your life and live as he wants you to” (Matthew 6:32 LB).

Second, live just one day at a time: “So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time” (Matthew 6:34 LB).

Rick Warren