Being Positive in Spite of Your Problems

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way” (James 1:2–4 MSG).

So you think you’ve got problems? Consider Brian Hise:

He had more than his share of bad luck a few years ago in July. When his apartment in Provo, Utah, became flooded from a broken pipe in the apartment above his, the manager told him to go out and rent a wet/dry vacuum.

That’s when Brian discovered that his car had a flat tire. He changed the tire and went inside again to phone a friend for help. But the electric shock he got from the phone so startled him that he inadvertently ripped the instrument off the wall! Before he could leave his apartment a second time, a neighbor had to kick his door down because by now water damage had jammed it too tight to open.

While all this was going on, someone stole Brian’s car! But since it was almost out of gas, Brian found it just a few blocks away. He then had to push it to a gas station where he filled up the tank.

That evening Brian attended a military ceremony at the university he was attending. He injured himself severely when he somehow sat on his bayonet, which had been tossed in the front seat of his car!

Doctors were able to stitch up Brian’s wound but, in the meantime, no one was able to resuscitate four of his canaries who were crushed to death from the wet, falling plaster in his apartment. He discovered their deaths after arriving home and then slipping on the wet carpet in his apartment, badly injuring his tailbone.

Brian said he began to wonder if (and I quote), “God wanted me dead, but just kept missing!”

The Bible says, “Is your life full of difficulties and temptations? Then be happy, for when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete” (James 1:2–4 LB).

Rick Warren

Thriving on Chaos

“Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better (Ephesians 4:23 LB).

Things change unpredictably today. There is no pattern to many of the changes in our world. Forecasting and long-range planning are high-risk activities now. Today we cannot guarantee more of the same of anything. About the only prediction we can safely assume is that things will change!

In this “Age of Unreason,” to use Charles Handy’s term, we must learn to think upside-down, inside-out, and backwards in order to cope with this unpredictable environment. The business writer Tom Peters calls this ability: “Thriving on Chaos.” To succeed, you must do more than cope with change, you must capitalize on it! Every change is an opportunity in disguise. Since you can’t stop change, you must learn to take advantage of it. Here are three suggestions from the Bible.

1. Keep a positive attitude toward change. Although not all changes are good, we do have the freedom to choose our attitude. Change, even when it is negative, can be an ally if you take advantage of it and use it for good: “Now your attitudes and thoughts must all be constantly changing for the better” (Ephesians 4:23 LB).

2. Never stop learning. Never think you know it all. Stay humble and you’ll be surprised who you can learn from—friends, neighbors, kids, employees, clients, and business competitors, etc. “The intelligent man is always open to new ideas. In fact, he looks for them” (Proverbs 18:15 LB).

3. Stay flexible! Before glass bottles were invented, wine was kept in canteens made of animal skins. As they aged, they’d become brittle and crack from new wine that was still fermenting. Jesus once said, “You can’t put new wine in old wineskins” (Luke 5:37–39). Here was his point: When faced with change, we must adjust or we’ll explode!

Pray this: “Dear God, help me be more flexible this week.

Rick Warren

Success Is Living Your Values

“We should choose to follow what is right. But first of all we must define among ourselves what is good” (Job 34:4 LB).

Everything you do is influenced by your values. Your actions in life are largely determined by the values you hold. Every time you make a decision, you’re relying on your values to tell you what to do.

Unfortunately, some of the values you operate by are counterproductive to your success and a hindrance to your satisfaction in life. You see, many of the unconscious values you live by are ones you didn’t choose; they were imposed on you by parents, peers, and the culture around you. (Today television is the #1 values shaper in our society.) You may be operating on incorrect information and values that don’t stand up under pressure.

Just like the set of the sail determines the direction of a sailboat, your values chart the course for your life. The question is: In what direction are your values leading you? Are they going to deliver what you hope or will you eventually be disappointed?

Here’s another fact about values: they cause a lot of your stress! Stress occurs when what you say you believe and what you actually do don’t line up. For instance:

• When you say, “My family is important to me,” but you’re always too busy or too tired to enjoy them.

• When you say, “I value my health,” but you overwork, overeat, and never exercise.

• When you say, “I’m not materialistic,” but you become so in debt you must worry constantly about finances.

When two of your values conflict, that’s called a dilemma. My experience is that these incongruent values are the #1 cause of emotional tension among believers. What’s the solution?

Identify what is really important in life. “We can choose the sounds we want to listen to; we can choose the taste we want in food, and we should choose to follow what is right. But first of all we must define among ourselves what is good” (Job 34:3–4 LB).

You need to come up with a personal definition of success, not someone else’s definition but your own. Remember this: “Success is the feeling I get when I live out my values.” It’s not a destination. You can be successful at any stage of your life, based on your own personal values and goals. Begin by making a list of what you value most in life. Ask yourself “What is going to last?”

Begin eliminating those things that really aren’t important. “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2 NLT).

Rick Warren

Legacy to the Next Generation: Correction

“Discipline your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don’t, you are helping them destroy themselves” (Proverbs 19:18 TEV).

The gift of your correction: A fourth factor in leaving a great legacy includes offering correction when your children make mistakes. This responsibility of parenting often causes major disagreements in marriage, because no two people see everything alike. In any moment, one spouse will likely be a tougher disciplinarian than the other.

Sometimes it depends on the circumstances, sometimes it depends on which child it is, sometimes it depends which spouse has been offended most. But you must not allow your disagreement to become ambivalence or your children will rule the roost, and that makes them feel insecure.

Kay and I have often disagreed about this. When we do, we’ve learned to step aside privately, work out our disagreement, and decide which one of us is best prepared emotionally to handle the situation. Then we present a united front to the kids.

Whenever we’ve failed to follow this simple rule, it has hurt everyone.

The two most important corrective words you must teach your children early in life are “come” and “no.” Kids who never learn to respect and respond to authority will struggle their entire lives. Nobody gets their way all the time. If you don’t set clear limits for your children now, they’ll never understand the concept later in life, and they will have great difficulty in relationships—in their own families, with co-workers, and even with God.

Solomon wrote, “Discipline your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don’t, you are helping them destroy themselves” (Proverbs 19:18 TEV). Nothing destroys a legacy like a lack of discipline.

Will you have any influence on the next generation? When you die, your legacy should be far more than just what you did on Earth. Your legacy should include what others do after you’re gone.

Rick Warren

Legacy to the Next Generation: Guidance

“Teach children how they should live, and they will remember it all their life” (Proverbs 22:6 TEV).

The gift of your guidance: God could have made children completely self-sufficient when they left their mother’s womb, but he didn’t. They need us.

Children desperately need adults for guidance. They need direction and assistance from those of us who have already walked down the road. The Bible says, “Teach children how they should live, and they will remember it all their life” (Proverbs 22:6 TEV).

If you hiked through the Swiss Alps, it would be far easier, less dangerous, and more fulfilling to have an experienced guide lead you. He would show you features that you would normally miss and he would warn you about difficult parts of your journey. That’s what every kid needs.

Children also need to learn from your mistakes and your past pain. They can learn from their own experiences, but they can also avoid a lot of unnecessary pain by learning from your experiences. It’s wiser and faster to learn from the experiences of others. God never wants you to waste your mistakes and hurts. He wants you to use them to help others. When you see others go down a path you personally know is a dead end, speak up! It’s the loving thing to do.

Even if you’re not a parent, kids need you in their lives, and you need them! Kids teach us to think of others and be less self-centered. You will teach them, but they will also teach you in many ways. For instance, you can teach them self-control and they can teach you spontaneity and creativity. Right now, are there any children in your life that you are helping?

Rick Warren

Legacy to the Next Generation: Acceptance

“Then he said to them, ‘Anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me also welcomes my Father who sent me. Whoever is the least among you is the greatest’” (Luke 9:48 NLT).

Over the years, I’ve noticed four common gifts we need to give to the next generation: Our presence, our acceptance, our guidance and our correction.

The gift of your acceptance: Everyone craves acceptance. It seems we never get enough. When you give your children the opportunity to be themselves and to become what God—not you—wants them to be, you give them a great legacy. The welcoming environment of acceptance is the atmosphere in which kids bloom. Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes a little child, welcomes me” (Luke 9:48 NLT).

Even though they’re your children, acceptance is never automatic. You must be intentional in offering it and continual in showing it. One of the most important times is when a child does something that embarrasses you publicly. At that moment, you have a choice: Will I care more about how others see me or about the feelings of my child? We’ve all seen embarrassed parents in stores use angry, derogatory words with kids who didn’t realize what they were doing.

An often-quoted research study noted that the single greatest factor determining whether a child succeeds in life or messes up is the presence and acceptance of a caring adult in his or her life. The amazing discovery was that it doesn’t have to be a parent! It just has to be someone who offers love, acceptance, and godly guidance.

Rick Warren

Legacy to the Next Generation: Presence

“Be happy with those who are happy, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 TEV).

Every parent longs to leave a positive legacy in their children, but what does it take? Having dealt with thousands of families over the years, I’ve noticed four common gifts we need to give to the next generation: Our presence, our acceptance, our guidance and our correction.

The gift of your presence: Sometimes just being there is what matter most to your kids.

One day, my daughter came home crushed after not making the color guard in eighth grade. To make matters worse, all of her friends had made it. Sobbing, Amy went and sat on the floor of her walk-in closet.

But one by one, each member of our family entered her room and crawled into the closet just to sit on the floor with her in silence and cry with her. None of us tried to talk her out of her grief. We didn’t minimize her pain. We didn’t change the subject. We didn’t try to get her to look at the bright side of what had happened. We didn’t urge her to try harder next time. We just sat there and hurt with her.

Jesus said we should, “Be happy with those who are happy, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15 TEV). That is the essence of empathy; it is the gift of presence.

In the Bible, when disaster and tragedy completely wiped out Job’s family, three of his friends came and just sat in silence with him for three days. As long as they kept their mouths shut, it was comforting to Job. But as soon as they started conjecturing the possible reasons for Job’s pain and offering advice, they got into trouble.

The Bible says, “Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19 TEV).

Just as brick homes are built one brick at a time, the lives of our children are built with the bricks of presence, acceptance, guidance, and correction. Every time you give a child one of these gifts, you are building his or her life. Tomorrow, we’ll look at the gift of acceptance.

Rick Warren

What Do You Expect?

"Then he touched their eyes and said, ‘According to your faith will it be done to you’; and their sight was restored” (Matthew 9:29–30 NIV).

A friend of mine, Bruce, taught college in Oregon for awhile. When he began his first semester teaching there, he was told that the college placed students in English classes by their level of ability. Bruce was assigned to teach two “average ability” classes and one “advanced ability.” He really enjoyed teaching the advanced class: they seemed more alert, more fun, asked better questions, and, as expected, had a higher grade average than the other classes.

On the final day of the semester, Bruce commented on these differences to the other professors in the faculty lounge. He said he hoped to get more of the advanced classes next semester. But to his surprise, his department director said, “Bruce, I don’t know where you got your information but we phased out the average/advanced distinction a year ago. You’ve been teaching mixed classes all semester like the rest of us!”

Bruce couldn’t believe it! He checked his records, and sure enough, there were far more A’s and B’s in the class that he thought was full of smart kids. And he really had enjoyed teaching that class more. But the only real difference between the classes had been Bruce’s expectations of them.

You can set people up for success or failure by your expectations.

People tend to become what they think we expect them to be. If you communicate to the people around you that you expect them to be lazy, uncreative, and negative, that’s probably how they will respond to you. On the other hand, if you treat people like winners, they’re likely to become winners. Psychologists call it “The Pygmalion Effect.”

• The best salesmen expect customers to buy their product.
• The best executives expect employees to have creative ideas.
• The best speakers expect audiences to be interested.
• The best leaders expect people to want to follow.
• The best teachers expect students to learn.

Would you like to bring out the best in those around you? Here's the key: Treat them the way they could be! Don’t just “tell it like it is.” Tell it like it could be.

Jesus said, “According to your faith it will be done to you” (Matthew 9:29 NIV). What are you expecting this week from yourself . . . from others . . . from God?

Rick Warren

Barriers to Knowing God's Will

Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do” (Ephesians 5:17 NLT).

Every day I talk to people who say, “If there is a God . . . and he allowed me to be born . . . and I’m still alive . . . what is his plan for me?”

“Why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing? How do I find out God’s will for me so I don’t waste my life?”

The Bible says this: “So be careful how you live. Don't live like ignorant people, but like wise people. Make good use of every opportunity you have, because these are evil days. Don’t be fools, then, but try to find out what the Lord wants you to do” (Ephesians 5:15–17 TEV).

It’s wise to figure out why you were put on earth. It’s stupid to go through life without a clue. Fortunately, God doesn’t play games with us. He wants us to understand his will for our lives. When we look toward the wrong things, we create barriers to discovering God’s will. For instance:

• God’s will is not about a feeling. God’s plan for your life is not an emotional sensation you get through some esoteric experience. God’s plan for your life is practical, not mystical. Some people think you have to sit in a lotus position and chant “om” to make contact with God. But it isn’t that complicated. Besides, feelings are highly unreliable. They come from a variety of sources, including that bad burrito you ate last night.

• God’s will is not about a formula. God’s will is not some step-by-step procedure that you rigidly follow through life. While the mystics among us are always looking for a feeling, the pragmatists look for a formula, a recipe for life that they can follow without thinking. They love books like 27 Easy Steps to a Perfect Life. The problem is every book has a different formula and they often contradict each other. Life just isn’t that simple! You need more than a formula.

Here’s the key: God’s will for your life begins with a friendship. God is far more interested in having you establish a relationship with him than he is interested in having you follow a set of rules.

First and foremost, God wants you to get to know him, like he already knows you. Once this relationship is established everything else—career, family, goals, recreation, ambitions, finances, health and friendships—will begin to fall into their proper place.

Regardless of the circumstances of your birth, you are not an accident. God does have a plan for you life and he wants you to not only know it, but to succeed at it!

Rick Warren

Your Real Life Is Not About What You Own

“Your true life is not made up of the things you own, no matter how rich you may be” (Luke 12:15 TEV).

The Bible has a lot of great advice on money management. Over half of Jesus’ parables deal with handling material possessions. In fact, Jesus spoke more about money than He did about either heaven or hell.

There are two common myths about money:

Myth #1: Money is evil. Actually money is neither good nor bad. It’s neutral. What the Bible actually says is “The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10 NIV).

Here’s the point: we are to use things and love people. When we get that reversed we get ourselves into trouble. If we love things, we will end up using people. God says people are always more important than possessions.

Myth #2: Money is the key to happiness. Obviously, that isn't true either. If money guaranteed happiness then those with the most would be the most happy. All you have to do is read the newspaper to explode that idea. Jesus said, “A man’s real life is not made up of the things he owns, no matter how rich he may be” (Luke 12:15 PH/TEV).

Think about this: “It is better—much better—to have wisdom and knowledge than gold and silver” (Proverbs 16:16 TEV).

Rick Warren